Why can't life be like the movies?

We all thought about it at least once. Even if you are a guy or a girl we always thought, why can't we have love like Rose or Jack, without the tragic death in the end but both actually surviving and living happily ever after (Titanic)? Why can't we have love like Kagome and InuYasha (InuYasha)? Why can't we have love like Choi Dal-po and Choi in-ha (Pinocchio Drama)? Why can't we have love like Kenji and Athena (She's Dating the Gangster)? Media makes romance so beautiful, so impossible (could be possible but with 1 000 000th of a chance), and so guheugheriugerjng!!!! I can't even explain. These movies or shows or books, make our expectations so very high, we just want everything to be perfect. I've longed for a love story that has adventure, comedy, romance... basically genres I enjoy in movies, shows or books. This shows I'm obviously not ready for a relationship, because I expect too much and I am not close to reality. My heads in the clouds everybody. Even though I walk around and see FIREEE mans out there in this cruel world, I imagine what it would be like if we somehow end up together, but I cant see it. The vision disappears in an instant and I let out a laugh because I see how crazy I actually am. After watching movies, or shows like this make me so very sad because I know something like this won't happen to me in real life, and makes me feel so lonely, I literally feel like I have a hole in my heart after. I'm gonna die alone guys I swear.

Me Watching romance movies & crying :D

*I answer the door*
Me: OMG it's... Oh, not you again...
Bob: Wait!... I'm Bae!
Me: No! Bae is pizza. Are you pizza? No!

BUT.. there is hope! Because there is a real life couple that I honestly love and adore, and I believe they are truly meant to be together and make me feel warm inside, and this is a run on sentence but whateverrrrr. PewDiePie and CutiePieMarzia (Felix & Marzia) are my life goals!!! Okay, maybe not life goals, but they both make me so happy. There's just something about them two that makes them perfect!! Well, from all we've seen on camera anyways. :p

Watch: What I do on Valentines Day! (from like 2 years ago & the pictures are from this video)
Click here to get to the videooo!!

I'm sorry for my terrible grammar (in every post) especially this one, & my randomness :D

Birthday Feels

This happens every year. I get somewhat hyped up and excited about my birthday, but I know it isn't a big deal to everyone else. I feel self centred. Like everyone should be focused on me, and do something big for me, just this one day, when its really just another ordinary day for everyone else. Every year my birthday feels less and less important. I don't know, but I always just feel really really really sad waiting a few hours before the clock strikes 12. The voice in my head tells me, no one will remember, it's not a big deal to anyone else. I cancelled my "sweet 16 birthday party" this year. For mixed reasons like, I don't think I can entertain people, I live too far no one will come, I'm too awkward, what are we going to do for six hours, no one really cares about my birthday anyways. 

Last year's birthday

I changed the celebration to the same thing I did last year. No one buys me presents, but pays for their own seat in the restaurant we go to. I'm not one for wanting to receive gifts on my birthday. I usually never got to keep my own gifts, (from birthday parties when I was 7 and younger). I probably only got to keep things I really begged for. Toys or clothes would always stay in their boxes to be gifted away for Christmas or for anyone who had following birthdays. The money I got would always be kept to pay for the money we spent for the birthday. The only thing I really got to keep were the memories.

I miss having those birthday parties with family, and friends. Playing games to win prizes. The dads of all the kids drinking beer and singing karaoke in the living room. All the mothers making sure everyone eats. And the kids playing games like hide and go seek before the real games where we win stuff starts. I miss those times. I just feel really isolated. Like everyone else has gone forward with their lives, forgot about us, while I'm here thinking about them all the time. They stopped after I turned 7 years old. After that, nothing. I got the chance to have a birthday party this year, and only this year... maybe another chance for my 18th but I guess it's different now.

I shouldn't complain. At least I have had a birthday party before... some people never get to experience thing that I have. I'm thankful, but I just miss it. :(

I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I get super dramatic over this little thing?
My birthday is tomorrow btw.. (the 7th)

:(

Always that one Orange

I never wanted to be that basic girl. One day during class we were learning about bar graphs. My teacher took a survey of everyone's favourite colour. Obviously all the boys chose red, and all the girls chose pink. Before my teacher got to me and one of my friends, I told her to choose orange because all the girls were going to choose pink. The teacher got to me and I said orange. And she asked my friend but she chose pink anyways. I asked her why she said pink and she said that she forgot she was supposed to say orange. Everyone in the class was either pink or red, I was always that one orange. 

Excluded Person Pleaser

Growing up I knew I am a person pleaser. I want to please everybody. I wanted everyone to like me, but I grew up being excluded from the people I wanted to be with. In kindergarten, I was excluded by the girl squad for reasons I'll never know. These girls just picked on me for some reason. They would brag and say that they are in senior kindergarten and I'm not, that I'm in junior kindergarten, basically saying I am lower than them. (But we were all in junior kindergarten). They also didn't let me play with them because I didn't have this certain "Polly pocket" toy as them. All I wanted was to play with them, and be with the girls. Because they didn't accept me, I hung out with the boys in the class a lot. The boys said girls have cooties and are too girly, but I was an exception. During recess one day, the girls were chasing after the guys for some reason. The girls called me to help them chase after the guys and as soon as the opportunity came up, I took it. The guys questioned why I betrayed them, and I just said sorry. Like it was something I needed to do, for myself. Eventually this girl squad broke up, but I was still a lone until everyone matured and became friends with one another.

Growing up, my grandma "babysat" kids that went to my elementary school before and after school for a few hours. All of them were my older sisters age, or older. My older sister is two years older than me by the way. They all excluded me because I was too young. I was in grade 1 at the time, and I enjoyed watching Dora. Whenever Dora would come on, my grandma would let me watch it and all the other kids would just wine and cover their ears because they hated Dora so much. They had this club where they would tell stories and just hang out. I wanted to be in the club but they said once I turn grade 3 I could join. 2 years later I asked if I could join their group. They said once you turn grade 5. At that point I gave up and was on my own a lot, even though sometimes I would find a way into the club physically. I just didn't want to be left out, I wanted everyone to like me. Some of the kids were nice and talked to me sometimes, but the group overruled them.

Most of my childhood is a blur, but somehow I still remember some of these details...

Trip to the waterpark back in the day.

Still being a person pleaser today, I get really anxious being around someone I think doesn't like me. Even if they don't not like me, if my mind tells me they do, then I believe it, and I just get really nervous around them. Like I have to be conscious of my every move. One little mess up and I feel like it's over for me. I do understand that not everyone can like you, it's just that when someone doesn't like me, I just feel looked down on. Like I'm doing everything wrong. It's frustrating.

An incident that happened recently is that I had a religion test the other day. I studied, but I think I did okay. The day after I did my test, my teacher started ranting in the beginning of class, starting with, "I love you guys but...". You'd think, everything she says next, will not change how she sees us. Maybe it doesn't change, but to me, it changes how I see myself and how I see my teacher see me. She continued by saying how a lot of our short/long answers didn't make sense, and how SOMEONE miss spelled Gandhi. This was a full on RANT she did during this class. I mean, I really like this teacher, but this rant scared me to death. It triggered the anxiety that I hid since I left my old school and got my stuff together at this new school. I'm that type of person who will miss spell the important stuff. I'm terrible at spelling. Once in 7th grade we were doing a test on the Outsiders novel, and I miss spelled JOHN. I spelled it J H O N. The thing is with this test, the name Gandhi was already spelt in the question. I know you're thinking, "How do you know it's you?" I know it's me because every time she rants about something she looks at me, and this time she looked at everyone BUT me. And she said that she just started marking a few of the tests, and I did my test late because I was away on the day of, so my test would have been on the top. I'm not sure if it was really me, but I have a gut feeling it is me. I'll update this if it was me... You might think it's harmless, but to me this feels like this teacher now hates me. And I don't EVER want to be on the bad side of a teacher. Because of her rant I can't get it out of my mind, and it's killing me. I'm terrified of going to school tomorrow, finding out it was me, and I'll just never be the same in religion class again. I will never feel the same.

I know I might sound dramatic, but this is how I feel. I don't know why I'm so nervous and freaking out from this little spelling mistake, even to most people they wouldn't care, but to me its a big deal... I just don't want anyone to hate me for any reason.. It just makes me very sad, and I just feel like I can't face this person anymore.

Halloween 2016

Halloween today... I went as Arthur the cartoon character. People would com up to me and ask to take a picture of my fist and or for me to do "the fist thing"... I thought it was really funny. All because of this meme.

Anyways, this is the first halloween not in Scarborough, and it was a weird experience. Back in Scarborough, everyone always used to dress up, even the teachers... here, probably half of the school wasn't wearing costumes and none of the teachers I saw were wearing costumes. Where the school spirit at tho? Other than that, my little sister, who is in 8th grade in elementary school, said that intermediate grades (7 & 8) were not allowed to dress up for halloween because of previous incidents where they would scare the younger kids in the school. Because of this I was literally the only one in the family who had a costume. My older sister is in college so she doesn't really get to dress up for school.

Joy as puppet and Bernadette as Luna from Sailor Moon

Joy as puppet and me as Arthur

We planned to take pictures and go trick or treating after school, but what happened was my sister and mom came back super late, and my sister didn't even have her costume ready. We told her to hurry as she was literally making her cat ears for her costume. She ended up being Luna from Sailor Moon, and I drew lines on my younger sisters face and two red circles on her cheeks to make her look like a puppet. She also wore suspenders. We finally got to go out, and it's almost pitch black dark outside. The first neighbourhood, our neighbourhood, I didn't go from house to house because I felt awkward since I'm in grade 11 and still trick or treating, and there was literally all little kids probably grade 5 down trick or treating. We walked far into another neighbourhood and there was barely any other trick or treaters so it was my cue to start collecting candy. My older sister didn't go from house to house but collected from the houses with "Help yourself" bowls in front of the house.

We realized how fast our bags were filling up because in scarborough our bags would fill up after walking in 5 different neighbourhoods but here we only went to 2 and it was pretty full because almost every house was giving out candy. We still miss scarborough because we used to go with friends, but today it was just us.

My Anxiety (part 2)

Other than these school issues I was having, there were other things that made me super nervous. What I'm so afraid of is if I mess something up, and get yelled at, or if I do something to affect someone even in the slightest negative way. I just have this urge to please everyone, and make everyone like me or else I'll get a dying feeling inside of me every time I see this person. For a while I hated I mean, HATED ordering food because again, I always feel like I'll mess up talking to them. When ordering fast food I always have to rehearse what my order is over and over in my head and make sure I have enough money. I usually pay using bills (in Canada, $5 $10 $20 $50 $100) because I get really nervous if I don't have enough change or if I count the coins wrong, or if I take too long counting because I don't want people behind me in line to think "why is this person taking so long?" or the cashier to think "did this girl ever go to school?"... I always predict what people are thinking in my head, and its almost always something negative about me. Because I don't go to restaurants often, whenever it's my turn to order food, I always get the same thing as someone else because I usually don't know what to get and I make them say another one for me too. I always panic when waiters ask what drink I want, its usually "I'm fine" or "Just water" or "coke please". To most people this isn't hard but I always get so so so nervous I'll mess up.

Other times I get anxious is when my friends hit me up to go out or something. Sometimes I just get nervous for some reason, like I have a gut feeling something wrong will happen, and I end up making up excuses like "I have to do laundry sorry" or "mom won't let me". And I just end up chilling at my house curled up in my bed wrapped in a blanket watching my friends snapchat while they're having fun when I'm too nervous to even go out.

Amazing people I met during "new kid" lunch

But my anxiety has taken a turn since I moved. Moving made me feel like a new person. Like my life started from the beginning again, like I can do anything and I could be who I want but be me at the same time. I started with building a reputation of having good marks in class and get recognized by that. During the first few days of school I got courage to talk to this other new girl in my homeroom class, but I was still too nervous to talk to anyone else. People started coming up to me and started talking asking where I came from and stuff like that. Because I have such a good reputation to my teachers, and I do what I'm supposed to do, I don't get nervous going to school anymore, and when I have to talk to teachers the anxiety went away. Because I rarely ever see my friends anymore, I always want to see them every weekend and we hang out, eat somewhere. I got used to going to restaurants and ordering at fast food places. Even though I feel like I've lost a lot of things when I moved, I feel like I gained so much more. I feel like I'm a lot happier with myself than I have in a long time.

My Anxiety

My anxiety consists of having a hard time talking with people I don't really know and public speaking. When I get anxious my body usually reacts like I get really hot, my body starts shaking, my heart beats hard and fast like my whole body feels it, pits start sweating, tears fill behind my eyeballs, and if I ever needed to talk it would come out very quietly, shaky, or whatever I said wouldn't make any sense. I never went to see if I really had an anxiety disorder, or went to get diagnosed by a specialist, but I was having issues with a teacher (at the self directed high school I attended for 2 years you had to go see your teacher yourself during the day since it wasn't a structured schedule based school) because I never went to talk to her. I went to see her because she contacted my teacher advisor and he kind of made fun of me in front of the whole class during morning check in. He called me and I went up to him in front of the classroom and he said, "So I got a note from one of your teachers saying that she's never seen you so far this school year" At at this point it was already the end of October, two months since school started. Once he said this I already started shaking. He continued by saying, "Do you have any idea of who this teacher is?" and I thought to myself because I actually had more than one teacher I haven't really went to go see, but I took a lucky guess. "Is it _______?" (I didn't type out her name for privacy reasons) And he burst out laughing and said "You're correct!!! And why haven't you gone to see her?" And I said "She kinda scares me" and I let out a little nervous giggle as if this wasn't a big deal. He continued laughing and said, "Really? _______ is scary to you?" (He was talking REALLY loudly at this point). I nodded and looked around the room and everyone was kind of looking at me. The girl who sat beside me started laughing too. He continued by saying, "You're not in kindergarten anymore. Grow up." In the most serious tone ever. At this point I felt hot, my heart was beating so fast and so hard it felt like my body was vibrating from head to toe, I could feel my arm pits and forehead get sweaty, I could feel the tears ready to come out and flood the whole room, I could feel my body giving up because this was too much for my brain to take in. All this embarrassment, I felt like I was going to burst into tears, or faint before I explode. After O Canada, prayers and announcements, he said, "You'll be seeing _______ first period today. You know how I know?" And I just shook my head. He starts laughing and he practically yells, "Because I'll be going with you!". I was ready to break down. I noticed that _______ isn't going to be on floor, or isn't available first period. I waited until everyone left the room and he asked me, "Are you going to see _____?" And I said "yes, but _______ isn't on floor first period, but she's on floor third." And he said "okay, do you want me to go with you?" And I said "It's ok" And I left that room and found my friend, and I just started crying in the hallway. I pulled her to this "no so secret but secret" place that no one usually goes to aka basement washroom, and I just bawled my eyes out so hard and told her everything. We ended up leaving the bathroom and I spent the next two periods in the English department with my head down. 

Friends usually help me deal with anxiety

Third period came and I made my way to see her, but I knew if I went to see her I'd start crying. So I waited until the last few minutes of the period and I forced myself to walk over and face her. I said "Hi" with the most shaky I ever heard my voice before. And she said, "Oh, hi Angela, I was expecting you." And then I covered my mouth and started crying again. The bell rang for lunch and we went to a separate room to talk. We just talked about how I felt about talking to people. She already knew I was "scared of her" because my TA emailed her right after morning TA, probably about what I said and that I'll be seeing her. She told me I probably have a little bit of anxiety and I should see the guidance councillor about it and that she'd write an appointment for me. I saw my TA again during after lunch check in, and he asked me if I went and I said yes. I saw him again during end of day check in and he asked me again if I went to see her, as if he totally forgot he asked me already. I said yes again. Then he went on saying, "She emailed me saying that you came at the end of the period and she didn't have much time to talk to you." I didn't say anything. "When you consult with a teacher you shouldn't go last minute. I said "Okay" and left to go back home. After that day, during the drive to school e v e r y  s i n g l e  morning, I'd feel like throwing up, crying, like I was running out of air, I'd start shaking from head to toe, thinking of making up an excuse to my dad that I wasn't feeling well and I'd stay in the car on our way back, but I never did. But I actually missed a lot of school that year because I'd tell my grandma I wasn't feeling well, which wasn't a lie, because I wasn't mentally well. I was afraid every morning, that my TA would call me out in front of everyone again. But by the time it was May - June, I was okay with going to school. Crazy how something that wouldn't be a big of a deal to someone else affected my mentality for about 7 months. I still got anxious in the morning, but it wasn't to the extent of where I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.

I'll continue this story in part 2 another night... thanks for reading! :)

One Door Closes but Another Opens

It's almost been 2 months since I moved out from the little townhouse I grew up in, and became the person I am today. Moving to this small town made me feel so many different things. Anxiety, regret, sadness... Entering a new and big high school with out knowing anyone really sucks. People didn't even know I was new, which says a lot about this school. You might say, well at least you fit in, since no one noticed you were different? Actually I just feel like a shadow that no body notices. I feel like those cliché movies you'd see on TV about a girl moving from a big city to a small town and not knowing anyone, and hating everything.

The little townhouse I grew up in.

Seeing pictures and videos of my friends back at my old school on social media feels like a knife piercing through my heart, because it feels as if I'm missing out on everything. If feels like I've been cut out of everyones lives as easy as taking a photograph of me and all my friends in it, taking sizers and cutting me out. I can't help but feel jealous because I should be there... with everyone... finishing my high school experience with my friends. It feels like a breakup I'll probably never get over. Even though I keep in contact with my friends, and see some of them every week, it's not the same as being there all the time and knowing what's up. At the same time, I wanted this. Because the opportunity came up, I agreed with moving houses and schools. I agreed to help myself, my grades. 2 months into school I've honestly been doing so much better than I ever had in my educational career, but I can't help but feel depressed every time I see how much fun my friends are having without me. I've met pretty amazing people at my new school, but it's only been 2 months, it's different from 2-12 years of friendships. Hopefully my new friends stay friends for a long time too. But I still am grieving over this invisible "breakup" that only I see.

Hopefully everything turns out great in the end... ):

Philippines Trip 2016

On July 24, 2016, until August 24, 2016, I visited the Philippines, went on a plane, and leaving Canada for the very first time. Not only visiting the Philippines, but I met a majority of my family there. I grew up not knowing much about them, just stories my grandmother would tell me. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. Hopefully those people I met will never forget me because I certainly will never forget them.

The trip started with a car ride to the airport. I was super nervous not for the plane ride, or what people in the Philippines would think about me, but the process of getting to the plane is what freaked me out. I never went on a plane until this trip, and I have no knowledge of anything airport related. I'm that kind of person that likes to do research and be prepared before doing something, but this time I didn't know a thing. I would ask my mom how the process worked but everything she said didn't make sense to me because I couldn't visualize it. In the car ride my mom kept pointing out how nervous I looked and I actually felt like crying. (It was only my grandmother and I going to the Philippines since we cannot afford all of us to go at the same time). At the airport, my grandma got to use a wheelchair and had someone push her while I walked with them. I felt so lucky because I just asked the worker what I had to do, and she was filipino too. We got to skip the big lines for security and we went through an express lane for people with wheelchairs. We got to ride on this car type thing inside the airport and we got to our gate. There were already a lot of people there, but we were 2 hours early. After 2 hours passed my grandma and I were the first passengers on the plane and we walked over to our seats, 44A & 44B, and finally got to rest after our long day. There wasn't a lot of people on the plane, since we were flying from Toronto to Vancouver to pick up more people. Some lady took up all three seats and was lying down like it was a bed, but we had a full flight when we got to Vancouver.

Toronto Pearson International Airport

18 hours later and we arrived in Manila, Philippines. We were one of the last to get off the plane since people with wheelchairs get off last. We had a connecting flight to Legazpi, Albay. We were taken to the baggage claim and we waited so long for our baggage and the guy helping my grandma made me get all the baggage, and it was really heavy and I'm a tiny child!! He also made fun of me and laughed with this guy beside him because I could only understand Tagalog and not speak it... He doesn't understand my struggles. We were on our way to our gate, but my grandma and I were hungry so we decided to stop by Cinnabon and we both ordered coffee and Canadian Bacon sandwiches. It took a while for them to make it, and being foreign and all I was waiting at the booth for our food and I didn't know we would be served. After my grandma and I finished eating, I was going to throw out our garbage, but there were no trash cans and my grandma said that we just leave it on the table and they would clean up after us. I was super confused because in Canada, we would throw out our own garbage in fast food places but cleaned up after in restaurants.

We got to our gate and we were 30 mins early. This plane was a smaller plane and we got to go outside and climb these stairs to get into the plane and the flight was only 1 hour long. We finally arrived in Legazpi and the airport was so tiny it only had 3 gates. As we walked out the plane. We got our baggage and we walked outside the airport and we saw a bunch of people across the road. I grew up never seeing a picture of my aunt and uncle so it would have been difficult for me to find them since they were picking us up, but somehow I knew it was them because they look similar to my mom. I saw them and I started waving and I pointed them out to my grandma and we walked towards them and gave hugs and got into the van. It was awkward at first because they aren't that good in English so they didn't really talk to me that much. They also brought my aunt's daughter aka my cousin, Shaira. She was really shy at first and was hiding behind the seat in front of me. We were driving from Legazpi city to Tabaco city since we were staying with my uncle. As we were driving I was just looking at the view of houses and shops, and I kept saying how different everything here is compared to Canada. 

We got to the house and as we got out of the van, people were just starring at me, and looking at me, and I felt very uncomfortable, and I felt the need of going inside the house. Once we got in my uncles house we ate some food and talked a bit. My other cousin, my Uncles daughter, Reyzel, was going to be home from school any minute. She's one of the only cousins I really knew about before going to the Philippines. Later that day we went to the "bayan" or town and went to the mall. I felt very uncomfortable since everyone looked at me so much, and because of the news of how people pickpocket you, and steal your stuff, since it happened so often in the Philippines I felt very paranoid and I probably looked so scared. On top of that it was so hot and I was very jet lag since the time difference was 12 hours from Toronto to anywhere in Philippines. I felt anxious and I really wanted to go back to the house.

The next day we went to the "bayan" again and I got used to people looking at me, and I knew no one was going to steal my stuff since nothing happened the first day, but I was still pretty cautious. The day after I got really sick. I had fever, I felt so dizzy I couldn't even stand up, and I had the worst headache ever, it felt like my head was throbbing, and I was sweating buckets. I couldn't open my eyes and look around because my head would just throb even more. I ended up lying down on a bamboo chair the whole day. And I was left at home with my cousin while my grandma and my uncle went to do stuff. My aunt came and she seemed like she was freaking out and she felt my forehead. She left and came back with some medicine. Knowing myself I cannot swallow pills, so we had to crush it and I drank it with water. A few days later I was 100% better.

That weekend we went on a 12 hour bus ride from Tabaco City to Manila, Philippines capital. When we got to Manila we waited at the bus terminal for my Lola (grandma) Vilma (my grandma's younger sister) and my Tito (uncle) JP. (I call him Kuya (older brother) because he isn't old and it's weird lol) Anyways, we rode a taxi to their house and chilled there for a bit, and I met my kuya JP's cousin Kevin. We had lunch and had a shower, then we went to the Ninoy Aquino Wildlife center. It's basically a zoo for rescued animals, but we only got to see a few animals because the "mini zoo" was closed since we got there at like 5:00. After, we walked to the Quezon city circle. (it was a long walk) and we chilled there for a few minutes, and bought fruit and shoes. After we walked over to the carnival area, and we went go carting, which was really fun. It got late and we rode a jeep, then a tricycle back to the house, had dinner and went to sleep.

Ninoy Aquino Wildlife Center

       

Uncle Rey, Lola Vilma, Mama, Kevin, Reyzel
At the Quezon City circle

Me, Reyzel, Kuya JP, Kevin
At the Quezon City circle

The day after, we had to leave to Laguna, to visit my family on my dad's side, and my grandma's good friend, Tito Aurthur. We couldn't stay longer since my cousin Reyzel had to go to school, so we would have time to go back to Manila bus terminal then go on the 12 hour bus ride back to Tabaco City. We stayed a night at my Tita Beth's house, and we went back to Tabaco City.

A few days later, we went to Odalo, which is where my grandma, my mom, and her siblings grew up. And is where my Tita Judith, Uncle Romeo, and my cousins Shaira, Kuya Jake, and John lives. They also have a dog named Dudoy.

It was an amazing experience going back to my roots. While we were in Odalo, we explored my grandma's old home which is now abandoned and probably haunted, visited farms, and met up with family. We also visited the Mayon Volcano. Some trips we went on were to the Borcel Swimming pool in Tabaco city, and the San Lorenzo beach. We also had a big party for my Grandma's 64th birthday.

Uncle Rey, Mama
preparing food for mama's birthday

Mama, Lola Adela

John, Shaira, Reyzel, me, Kuya Jake
Brocel Swimming pool

Mayon Volcano

Mayon Volcano

This was such an amazing experience and trip I will never forget, and I wish I'll be returning sometime soon, or maybe they can come here to Canada and visit. <3 <3 

I vlogged this trip on my vlogging channel!! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTg9JHrnv8CnBtUWe_XWNEr-peOH-c7pD

Internet Friends

Electronic devices and social media are amazing inventions. They allow you to communicate with other people without even talking and physically being with them. It also allows you to get information in an instant. These electronic devices gave me a good and bad impact in my life. 

www.userlogos.org

The first social media I had was hotmail messenger, back when I was in grade 6. I used hotmail messenger to communicate with my friends after school and I used the family computer which was a windows xp desktop. Then I upgraded to Facebook in grade 7 because we were able to do a lot more things on Facebook then hotmail messenger. On hotmail all you could do was message people when on Facebook you could share pictures, write posts, send messages to people, and play games. Facebook was a whole new world for me. I not only added and talked to my friends from school, but I also added my family members from the Philippines. I was smart enough to make all my posts and profile private so only my friends could see, and that I should only add people I know. 

beach-aruba.com

In grade 7 I made friends with other students in other schools because of this after school program I went to. Facebook was the only way I was able to communicate with them and not lose connection because I did not have a cell phone at the time. I would be super excited to come home after school and when I finished my homework I would   be able to talk to them. In grade 8 my friends from school would introduce me to their friends from other schools on Facebook. Even though I did not meet them in person, I still added them back on Facebook. We would message each other in group chats and eventually became internet friends. Later I found out that we were going to the same high school the next year and we were super excited because we would get to finally see each other in person and we could become real friends. When high school came, we did see each other around the hallways, but we never talked. Then I realized how different people can be online and in person. We later entirely stopped talking on Facebook. I had the courage and asked this person why we don't talk anymore, and they said "I don't know. High school" and I was like oh.

Comparing the friendships I had with people I talked to in person before online, were all good because it was not awkward in person, and we actually interacted. Versus meeting and talking only online and then when it would come to talking in person, it failed miserably. People online could be fake towards you, but at the same time they could be totally real with you.

I believe these devices should be allowed in school just because it makes research and communicating with teachers though edmodo and classmates a lot easier, especially when we go to a self directed school where everyone is just everywhere. Some rules they should put up is that students should use their devices for school purposes.

I Looked up to

Celebrities are public figures that thousands to millions of people know almost everything about, but not everything. I personally feel sorry for celebrities because they are human, like everyone else, and it's human nature to make mistakes. When they make the mistakes, it turns into a huge thing and everyone looks down on them, but at the same time it is to be expected since millions of people know this individual, and many people would look up to this celebrity and idolizes them. The celebrity should know they have a responsibility of being good so they would not affect the fans, but they are not perfect. But if a "normal" person commits these mistakes, it does not turn into a big deal because it's not the whole world lashing out on them, its just the few people who know this individual. 

In this article, it explains how singer and actress, Ariana Grande was being "rude", says the shop owner, and spat on donuts that were later, unknowingly sold to customers in a donut shop. The celebrity was with 3 friends, and one was a backup dancer named Ricky Alvarez. After Ariana licked and spat on a few donuts she dared Ricky to do it too, and he did. They both did it a few more times and when the worker came back with a tray of more donuts, Ariana said "What the f---k is that? I hate Americans. I hate America! That's disgusting" Because people found out what has happened, she later released a video apologizing. But what puzzles me is that everyone freaked out that Ariana did it, but no one cared that her backup dancer, Ricky did it as well, when he's just as guilty as Ariana. But because Ariana is so famous, police and health critics were involved, but did not take action, and all the manager wanted was an apology. 

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/ariana-grande-licked-spit-donuts-were-sold-says-shop-manager-201587

en.wikipedia.org

This incident happened back in July 2015, and it does not affect her career at all today. She is just as, or even more famous than she was then. If an ordinary person were to do it, they would get into trouble with the manager and the police would get involved and probably throw them in jail for a bit or press charges on the person and would get this on their criminal record and would affect future jobs and what not. But for a celebrity like Ariana, it did turn into a big issue but for a short time, but people moved on and forgot about it.

In conclusion, I feel like we should forgive celebrities for their mistakes, but it's not fair how they could get away without having the long-term consequences like "normal" people do. 

Stop the Bullying

Bullying. Definition: To use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. We've all been bullied, or been a bully at one point in our lives. It could have been when someone has made fun of you in a negative way, or when you've made fun of someone in a negative way. Bullying can affect someone mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually etc. It is a huge issue that no one deserves to go through, and should be stopped. An ideal and perfect school environment would be a place where everyone is happy, including students and staff, and everyone gets along, and is excited to go to school everyday... but the world is not perfect.

simpleacts.org

I've been bullied once, just like most people in many ways... people would make fun on my appearance, I would be called a "scardy cat" because I don't like doing daring and risky things, I would be excluded from friend groups because I did not have the "requirements" to join such as a specific toy or gadget and "friends" would say mean things behind my back. Bullying is something we can not stop, because it is human nature to be mean to each others sometimes but other times it can go really far. Bullying is something we can change. It can turn into life lessons by forgiving, and knowing when actions go too far and becomes a serious issue. Schools can avoid bullying by having everyone get along with each other, and educate all the students about how bullying can effect people mentally, physically etc. Services at my school that can help people with bullying are teacher advisors, guidance councillors and chaplaincy. Services our school should have is where you can give information to the staff anonymously so you're identity could be safe for personal reasons. Bullying can be fixed when a student reaches out to a staff member about the issue, the adult should talk to the bully and get them two together to solve the issue.

Damn Daniel getting beat up? True or not true?

Seeing is not always believing! Especially on the internet. Whenever I scroll through twitter or facebook, I usually see articles, memes, or videos of things that are happening now. Like... articles about celebrity gossip, or videos of a sighting of angels in the sky! The articles about celebrity gossip usually would have click bait titles and thumbnails like "Jessica Sanchez Rejects Jennifer Lopez Offer" with the thumbnail is of a screenshot of Jessica looking sassy, when in the article it just states she was not able to make it to the show, when they tried to look like there was drama but there actually wasn't. I usually don't fall for everything I see on the internet because I know its usually not true, but I would sometimes click on the click bait articles if I'm bored, but I would try not to let it get to my head.

The most recent internet meme that has gone viral that I know is "Damn Daniel". Which is a series of 7 second videos of a guy named Daniel and his friend named Josh showing Daniel's outfit out on snapchat saying "Damn Daniel" and it would cut to different days with different outfits and when Daniel wore white vans, Josh would say "Damn Daniel, back at it again with the white vans". It went crazy on twitter. The video has been viewed over 45 million times in only a few days! I would see it everywhere and my friends would make jokes saying instead of "Damn Daniel" I'd say "Damn Jessica".. yah we're weird. Anyways, as it was getting popular, I saw a post on twitter saying that "Damn Daniel" got beat up and got his famous white vans stolen and was being sold on the internet. A few days later, I saw posts on twitter that Daniel and Josh went on the Ellen Show and I decided to watch it on YouTube. At one point of the interview, Ellen shows Daniel that people are selling his white vans online for $3 000, but Daniel explained that those are not his shoes because those ones had the laces on them and his were slip ons and he was wearing the shoes from the videos during the show. Which meant the article I read that he got beat up and got his shoes stolen and was being sold online was a lie. Once again, I've been deceived by the internet.

Damn Daniel got beat up?

https://twitter.com/Ryandircks/status/701624245231624192

Damn Daniel on the Ellen show

https://twitter.com/TheEllenShow/status/702548671431208960

Damn Daniel on Ellen video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LUX70mXcEE

My mom always falls for the internet's tricks. She called me one day "Angel! Look at this! There's a video of a sighting of angels in the sky I found on facebook... take a look" I thought to myself, this probably is not true.. I watched the video closely and the quality was really bad. It looked like it was captured on an old phone. The video played the clip at normal speed and at the end it replayed it at a slower speed. When I watched closely at the slower speed it zoomed up close to the Angels in the sky, but the Angels were in good quality when the sky in the video was really pixelated. I told my mom it was probably "camera magic" and it looked fake. And she had a sad expression. I told her not to believe everything on facebook, or the internet rather because people could put anything on there.

We should be cautious on what we read on the internet.  Not only on social media, but when we are researching for school too. Which is why we learn about reliable resources on the internet at school!