My Anxiety (part 2)

Other than these school issues I was having, there were other things that made me super nervous. What I'm so afraid of is if I mess something up, and get yelled at, or if I do something to affect someone even in the slightest negative way. I just have this urge to please everyone, and make everyone like me or else I'll get a dying feeling inside of me every time I see this person. For a while I hated I mean, HATED ordering food because again, I always feel like I'll mess up talking to them. When ordering fast food I always have to rehearse what my order is over and over in my head and make sure I have enough money. I usually pay using bills (in Canada, $5 $10 $20 $50 $100) because I get really nervous if I don't have enough change or if I count the coins wrong, or if I take too long counting because I don't want people behind me in line to think "why is this person taking so long?" or the cashier to think "did this girl ever go to school?"... I always predict what people are thinking in my head, and its almost always something negative about me. Because I don't go to restaurants often, whenever it's my turn to order food, I always get the same thing as someone else because I usually don't know what to get and I make them say another one for me too. I always panic when waiters ask what drink I want, its usually "I'm fine" or "Just water" or "coke please". To most people this isn't hard but I always get so so so nervous I'll mess up.

Other times I get anxious is when my friends hit me up to go out or something. Sometimes I just get nervous for some reason, like I have a gut feeling something wrong will happen, and I end up making up excuses like "I have to do laundry sorry" or "mom won't let me". And I just end up chilling at my house curled up in my bed wrapped in a blanket watching my friends snapchat while they're having fun when I'm too nervous to even go out.

Amazing people I met during "new kid" lunch

But my anxiety has taken a turn since I moved. Moving made me feel like a new person. Like my life started from the beginning again, like I can do anything and I could be who I want but be me at the same time. I started with building a reputation of having good marks in class and get recognized by that. During the first few days of school I got courage to talk to this other new girl in my homeroom class, but I was still too nervous to talk to anyone else. People started coming up to me and started talking asking where I came from and stuff like that. Because I have such a good reputation to my teachers, and I do what I'm supposed to do, I don't get nervous going to school anymore, and when I have to talk to teachers the anxiety went away. Because I rarely ever see my friends anymore, I always want to see them every weekend and we hang out, eat somewhere. I got used to going to restaurants and ordering at fast food places. Even though I feel like I've lost a lot of things when I moved, I feel like I gained so much more. I feel like I'm a lot happier with myself than I have in a long time.